For the last couple of weeks we have been in the process of hiring a new program coordinator, I got the lucky job of screening all 67 applicants and recommending a handful of them for interview. In that light, this is all about what NOT to do when submitting an application for employment.

1. When listing your “Special Skills” for a job that is NOT based on social media, please do not list ALL of the following: WordPress, Blogspot, Twitter, Pinterest, Etsy, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, MySpace. Saying “social media” would probably suffice. Now that I know you are specially skilled in MySpace and Pinterest, um, you probably won’t be hired for a position where you cannot spend hours per day on either of those (blocked) sites.
2. It should go without saying that correct spelling and grammar are essential in resumes and cover letters. When you misspell a major company’s name, or our company’s name, you are showing you probably cannot be trusted for basic communications.
3. When the only phone number you provide is your current work number and work email, do not get upset that I call you at work. In fact, the half-whispered half-angry “Why did you call this number?! I can’t talk about this right now!” does not make me feel great about you as a potential candidate.
4. Most employers will not give you negative marks if you have served time as a missionary for a religious organization. In fact, many find that kind of humanitarian service commendable. However, do not list it in your employment history with a giant paragraph of responsibilities and under the salary portion state “blessing in heaven.”
5. For the love, when you come to interview, please do not bring your pet chihuahua in a blinged out hot pink carrying case. Just don’t.

Did you learn anything spectacular this week? (Or last week?)

A few things I learned this week, in no particular order:

1. A knit maxi dress is a summer weather staple that does not translate well to winter. I attempted to wear mine with a large infinity scarf (good idea) and a pair of boots (bad idea) made out of suede (worst idea EVER!). My dress was sticking to my legs all day, I felt like my ankles were strapped together with a zip tie. Do not try this combination at home, or at the office, or for an activity. Stick to the knee-length skirt or leggings with your suede boots and put that maxi dress in storage until warmer temperatures arrive.

2. Small children wearing plush reindeer antlers and skipping around the mall is charming and adorable. Middle aged men doing the same thing is either ridiculous or frightening, depending on both the antlers and the man.

3. Wednesday evening is the BEST TIME to go to Ikea. I was in and out in less than 20 minutes with a cart full of goodies. There were no crowds, no lines, and no hassle. If only I could put together said goodies with as little headache!

4. There are people who insist the pronunciation of focaccia is faux-cottah. I listened to a 10-minute discussion between two lunchers at the table next to me on this fact. Mr. Fauxcottah was wearing a Mickey Mouse wrist watch and his giant Android phone in an even larger case attached to his belt. Despite Italian pronunciation guides, I’d like to agree that Mr. Focaccia was correct, not Mr Fauxcottah.

5. This one is actually my own fault, but apparently when you call West Elm to check their stock of the most perfect tree topper in the history of tree toppers and they say “Oh yes, we have bunches of them!” you should DEFINITELY request they put one aside with your name on it. A simple “Great! I’ll be there in 20 minutes” does not suffice. The sad ending of this story is that the “bunches” of perfect tree toppers were completely sold out in the 23 minutes it took me to get to West Elm. Sob!

What did you learn this week?